Home and Family

OK, So this is my first pregnancy so I am fully aware that I have no idea what is going on or what to expect.  But, I really thought that when you became pregnant, you would eventually, oh, I don’t know, have a baby!!  I mean, isn’t pregnancy supposed to end at some point?  The only thing that I can think of is that, since I’m as big as an elephant, I’m just going to stay pregnant for as long as they do.  Since elephants carry their babies for 2 years, I only have 14 months to go.  WHOO-HOO!!!  I’ve started having dreams about having a detachable tummy and giving birth to a 12 year old.

I am now two days past my due date.  I am getting so frustrated because I have to go to the doctor twice a week now and nothing is progressing…NOTHING!!  I actually looked up a bunch of ways that people have claimed to use to start their labor.  They are all stupid and I think that I have tried them all…in the same day.  Let’s see, walking, squatting, nipple stimulation (don’t ask), sex, eating spicy food, scrubbing floors, and drinking raspberry tea.  Not one twinge or hint of a contraction.  I guess that it is a testament as to how desperate that I am that I would even try this stuff.  I mean, someone even told me that eating McDonald’s food would bring on labor.  I didn’t even bother…I have to draw the line somewhere.

OK, today is my due date.  The baby has no more reasons for stalling!!!!  I look like a swollen water buffalo.  I literally CANNOT wait to feel my first contraction.  I told my husband to remind me of this when I’m 12 hours into labor!  This is pretty crazy though.  Even though today is my due date, I feel that I’m late or something.  I guess it’s just because I’m so big and uncomfortable that I can’t imagine getting even bigger and more uncomfortable the longer that I go past my due date.  I’m so nervous and anxious about having natural childbirth.  It’s really hard to basically wait around for something to start happening that you know is just going to hurt really, REALLY badly!!!  But, at least when it starts, I’ll know that it will be over eventually.  Then comes the really hard part…actually taking care of my baby!  When I think of all of the things that I can mess up and probably will mess up…Geez!!!  I actually just started sweating!  Good grief.  I need to go lie down……….

I am truly sick of being pregnant.  I mean, I really can’t take it any more.  My due date is August 11th and I’m really at the end of my rapidly fraying rope.  Is there something wrong with me?  I feel guilty that I feel this way but at the same time, I WANT THIS KID OUT!!!!  I have an OB appointment tomorrow and I’m actually thinking of ways that I can convince her to induce me.  I mean, I’ve gone through the entire nine months without taking so much as a Tylenol, watching what I eat, not being around smokers, not using my face wash or eye drops and now, I’m all like, “Give me drugs and get this kid out!!”  The doctor said that they will induce if I am ten days past my due date.  What the….!?!?!?!?!  I don’t think I can make it.  Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.  I crossed the line between being uncomfortable to just honestly being in pain about four days ago.  I’ve also reached the point where I’m nasty and cranky…which really stinks because that is not me at all.  I’m just thankful that my husband is so understanding…the poor guy!  I just wish I knew if other moms felt this way at the end of their pregnancy or if I really am just awful.  Any comments about this would be sincerely appreciated!!!

Ok, I told myself that I wasn’t going to write a whiney pregnancy post but I need to give my poor husband a break.  I have 6 days until my due day and I am freaking MISERABLE!!!!  I’m anxious, swollen, achy, ouchy, pukey, sleepy, and cranky.  I sound like a dysfunctional version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  I guess that nature makes women miserable during the last couple of weeks so labor doesn’t seem so bad.  I mean, I’m still really scared about it but, at the same time, I am SO ready to have this baby.  I just want to be physically comfortable again!!  I would like to be able to get off of the couch without it taking 30 minutes and a small crane.  I would like to run into people I know without them laughing at me and saying brilliant things like, ‘Holy crap!  You’re so big!’  I want to be able to wear my shoes again!!!  But most of all, I just want to meet my daughter!  I want to see her and hold her and know that she is all right.  Well, OK, being able to eat sushi again is going to be awsome too!! 

Is it possible to actually die from heartburn??? Geez! I have about a week and a half to go before my due date…I’m not sure that my esophagus is going to make it. It’s also fun getting about three hours of INTERRUPTED sleep a night. I think that I’m starting to go a little bonkers. I have the attention span of a rabid tree squirrel and I can’t seem to focus on one task long enough to get anything done. Yesterday, I actually got distracted while I was doing laundry. I carried everything into the laundry room and then just left it there. I guess that the laundry fairies were supposed to actually put the clothes in the washer and turn it on. At 3:30 am this morning, I was surfing the web and I think that I found out what’s going on. There is actually something called Pregnancy Brain. Apparently, pregnancy can actually affect your short term memory.  This is also compounded by the lack of sleep during the third trimester.  At least I have a reason for loosing my mind!!

CRY!  My feet are SO SWOLLEN!!  I look like I have flippers!  I can’t even wear my stupid flip flops because the straps cut into my feet.  The only pair of shoes that I have that are remotely comfortable are sneakers and I have a really, REALLY hard time tying the dumb things!  It’s so bad, that my dad actually took my shoe shopping!  My dad…shoe shopping.  He even willingly went to more than one shoe store!  This is actually pretty monumental for my dad.  The really sad thing is, we weren’t even able to find any shoes that would fit onto my hooves.  I swear, I had normal sized feet before I got pregnant!  Pregnancy is weird!  Do you know what else is weird?  That the e comes before the i in the word weird.  Why is that??  What rule of grammer is that following?  What happened to i before e except after c?  Whew!?!?  OK, I’m done.  I need to go take a nap now.

OK folks, I have been getting two or three hours of sleep a day for the past three weeks.  I am so tired that I can’t function.  I have the attention span of a rabid tree squirrel and I can’t focus on the most basic of tasks.  Yesterday, I actually got distracted while I was cleaning the toliet?!?!?  I just wandered away.  Later, that afternoon, imagine my surprise when I walk passed our guest bathroom and see the toliet brush sticking out of the toliet.  I mean HOW in the heck do you get distracting scrubbing a toliet?  I’ll leave laundry in the washer and forget about it too.  I guess that the laundry faries are supposed to come and switch the laundry over to the dryer…I wonder if I can talk them into folding it and putting it away too.  I honestly think that I may be the only woman ever who will get more sleep once her baby is born!!! 

OK, so this is what dougkueffler  left as feedback to my last post:  “You lack some knowledge about childbirth and the preparations that take place prior to delivery. ”

Ummm???  Wow! Thank you for taking the time to point out my lack of knowledge. That really just makes me feel better and less scared about labor! And if you are referring to being given an enema when you get to the hospital, before you give birth, not all hospitals do that anymore. Mine is one that does not. If that isn’t what you are referring to, I would appreciate some real feedback, not just a comment on my ignorance.

AAAHHHHH!!!  Do I really have to worry about this??  I mean, COME ON!!!  I just read a stupid article about women pooping on the delivery table while they are giving birth.  I guess that they are pushing so hard that it’s hard to control everything down there.  Apparently, this happens to a NOT SMALL percentage of women.  I made the mistake of freaking out about this in front of my husband.  Mr. Sensitive is still laughing.  He told me that if I poop on the table, I’ll be hearing about it for the rest of our lives.    I handled this calmly, by threatening to chop off his naughty bits.  He then told me not to worry, if I pooped on the table, he would pull down his pants and crap right there on the floor, that way, no one would even remember me doing it.  Geez!!